Are you a mom who took maternity leave? It was the best vacation ever, right? Didn’t you just laze the days away on your unstained sofa, snuggled up with a good book and a glass of Cabernet while your precious one slept peacefully all night and day long? Didn’t you emerge from your two or six or 12 weeks — 12! You slacker! — feeling relaxed and refreshed, and not, say, like a leaky-boobed sleepless zombie prone to intermittent crying fits and painful flashbacks to the time someone sewed her genitals back together after they expelled an entire human being?
Excuse me, where was I? Oh yes, vacation! Maternity leave is an amazing vacation … tell your friends!
I’ll give you a minute to punch your computer screen now.